Friday, January 7, 2011
Where did "Piss Poor" come > from?
>
> Interesting History
>
> They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families
> used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken
> & Sold to the tannery....if you had to do this to survive
> you were "Piss Poor."
>
> But worse than that were the really poor folk who
> couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a
> pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low
>
>
> The next time you are washing your hands and
> complain because the water temperature isn't just how
> you like it, think about how things used to be. Here
> are some facts about the 1500s:
>
> Most people got married in June because they took
> their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty
> good by June.. However, since they were starting to
> smell . ...Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide
> the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying
> a bouquet when getting Married.
>
> Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The
> man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean
> water, then all the other sons and men, then the
> women and finally the children. Last of all the babies.
> By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose
> someone in it.. Hence the saying,
> "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"
>
> Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with
> no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals
> to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals
> (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became
> slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall
> off the roof...Hence the saying "It's raining cats and
> dogs."
>
> There was nothing to stop things from falling into
> the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom
> where bugs and other droppings could mess up your
> nice clean bed. Hence,a bed with big posts and a
> sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.
> That's how canopy beds came into existence.
>
> The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something
> other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The
> wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in
> the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw)
> on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter
> wore on, they added more thresh until,when you
> opened the door, it would all start slipping outside.
> A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.
> Hence: a thresh hold.
>
> (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
>
> In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with
> a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day
> they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate
> mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They
> would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the
> pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next
> day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been
> there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge
> hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine
> days old.
> Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them
> feel quite special. When visitors came over, they
> would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a
> sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the
> bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests
> and would all sit around and chew the fat.
>
> Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food
> with high acid content caused some of the lead to
> leach onto the food,causing lead poisoning death.
> This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the
> next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered
> poisonous.
>
> Bread was divided according to status. Workers got
> the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle,
> and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
>
> Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The
> combination would Sometimes knock the imbibers out
> for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road
> would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.
> They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of
> days and the family would gather around and eat and
> drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence
> the custom of holding a wake.
>
> England is old and small and the local folks started
> running out of places to bury people. So they would
> dig up coffins and would take the bones to a
> bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening
> these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have
> scratch marks on the inside and they realized they
> had been burying people alive... So they would
> tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through
> the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a
> bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all
> night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus,
> someone could be saved by the bell or was considered
> a dead ringer.
>
> And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History
> was boring!!!
> Interesting History
>
> They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families
> used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken
> & Sold to the tannery....if you had to do this to survive
> you were "Piss Poor."
>
> But worse than that were the really poor folk who
> couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a
> pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low
>
>
> The next time you are washing your hands and
> complain because the water temperature isn't just how
> you like it, think about how things used to be. Here
> are some facts about the 1500s:
>
> Most people got married in June because they took
> their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty
> good by June.. However, since they were starting to
> smell . ...Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide
> the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying
> a bouquet when getting Married.
>
> Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The
> man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean
> water, then all the other sons and men, then the
> women and finally the children. Last of all the babies.
> By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose
> someone in it.. Hence the saying,
> "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"
>
> Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with
> no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals
> to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals
> (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became
> slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall
> off the roof...Hence the saying "It's raining cats and
> dogs."
>
> There was nothing to stop things from falling into
> the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom
> where bugs and other droppings could mess up your
> nice clean bed. Hence,a bed with big posts and a
> sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.
> That's how canopy beds came into existence.
>
> The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something
> other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The
> wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in
> the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw)
> on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter
> wore on, they added more thresh until,when you
> opened the door, it would all start slipping outside.
> A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.
> Hence: a thresh hold.
>
> (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
>
> In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with
> a big kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day
> they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate
> mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They
> would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the
> pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next
> day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been
> there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge
> hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine
> days old.
> Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them
> feel quite special. When visitors came over, they
> would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a
> sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the
> bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests
> and would all sit around and chew the fat.
>
> Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food
> with high acid content caused some of the lead to
> leach onto the food,causing lead poisoning death.
> This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the
> next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered
> poisonous.
>
> Bread was divided according to status. Workers got
> the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle,
> and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
>
> Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The
> combination would Sometimes knock the imbibers out
> for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road
> would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.
> They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of
> days and the family would gather around and eat and
> drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence
> the custom of holding a wake.
>
> England is old and small and the local folks started
> running out of places to bury people. So they would
> dig up coffins and would take the bones to a
> bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening
> these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have
> scratch marks on the inside and they realized they
> had been burying people alive... So they would
> tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through
> the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a
> bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all
> night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus,
> someone could be saved by the bell or was considered
> a dead ringer.
>
> And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History
> was boring!!!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Bob Hope
'You still chase women, but only
downhill'.
ON TURNING 80
'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'
ON TURNING 90
'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'
ON TURNING 100
'I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel
anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.
ON GOLF
'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'
ON PRESIDENTS
'I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother,?Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.?
ON
RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD
MEDAL
'I
feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY
'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'
ON
HIS SIX BROTHERS
'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'
ON
HIS EARLY FAILURES
'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the
stuff the audience threw at me.'
ON GOING TO HEAVEN
'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'
Give me a sense of humor.
Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life, and to pass it on to others
CNN News Photographer
> His request approved, the CNN News photographer
> quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport
> to charter a flight.
>
> He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting
> for him at the airport.
>
> Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming
> up outside a hanger.
>
> He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door
> shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
>
> The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind
> and took off.
>
> Once in the air, the photographer instructed the
> pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low
> passes so I can take pictures of the fires
> on the hillsides.'
>
> 'Why?' asked the pilot.
>
> 'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' ,
> he responded, 'and I need to get
> some close up shots.'
>
> The pilot was strangely silent for a moment.
> Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me,
> is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
>
>
> "Life is short.
> Drink the good wine first"
>
>
>
Hello Honey
**Riiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**
**'Hello?'**
**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**
**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**
**After a brief pause,**
**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**
**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now.'**
Brief Pause.
**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**
**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**
**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**
**'I did it, Daddy.'**
**'And what happened, honey?' **
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**
**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**
**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**
**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**
**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**
**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**
*****Long Pause*****
*****Longer Pause*****
*****Even Longer Pause*****
**Then Daddy says,**
**'Swimming pool? ...........**
**Is this 486-5731?'*
**No, I think you have the wrong number.........
**'Hello?'**
**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**
**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**
**After a brief pause,**
**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**
**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now.'**
Brief Pause.
**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**
**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**
**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**
**'I did it, Daddy.'**
**'And what happened, honey?' **
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**
**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**
**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**
**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**
**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**
**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**
*****Long Pause*****
*****Longer Pause*****
*****Even Longer Pause*****
**Then Daddy says,**
**'Swimming pool? ...........**
**Is this 486-5731?'*
**No, I think you have the wrong number.........
National Weather Service
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked
their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught
the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the
winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.
He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even
more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does
it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's
going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service
again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very
cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it
is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of
firewood.
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