Saturday, May 14, 2011
Who's your Daddy
The following are all replies that Detroit women have written on Child
Support Agency Forms in the section for listing 'Father's Details,' or
putting it another way... Who's your baby's Daddy? These are genuine
excerpts from the forms.
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was
fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the
father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same
night.
2... I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I
was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I
can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the
party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with
a man I met that night.. I do remember that the sex was so good that
I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please
send me his phone number? Thanks...
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives
a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door
panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and
see if he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am
awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception
was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that
to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic
implications for the economy I am torn between doing right by you and
right by the country .. Please advise.
7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the
same to me.
8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do catch up with
him, can you axe him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was
also borned at the same time..... well, I don't have clue..
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney
World. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom ..
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I
remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in
the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going
to the party at 8956 Miller Ave , mine might have remained
unfertilized.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after
all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made
you fart.
WHEN YOUR WEALTH IS REDISTRIBUTED THESE PEOPLE WILL BE THE MAJOR
RECIPIENTS & CAN GO TO MORE PARTIES
Saturday, May 7, 2011
How to decide who to marryn- Kids have a great perpective
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (Isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7 (Love her)
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be alot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is .......
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (Isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7 (Love her)
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be alot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is .......
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
My Favorite Animal
> > Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I
> > said, "Fried Chicken."
> >
> > She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been
> > right, because everyone else in the class
> > laughed.
> > My parents told me to always be truthful and
> > honest, and I am. Fried Chicken is my favorite animal. I told my
> > dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member
> > of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
> >
> > I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and
> > beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I
> > told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not
> > to do it again.
> >
> > The next day in class my teacher asked me
> > what my favorite live animal was.
> >
> > I told her it was chicken. She asked me why,
> > just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it
> > was because you could make them into fried chicken.
> >
> > She sent me back to the principal's office
> > again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't
> > understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher
> > doesn't like it when I am.
> >
> > Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what
> > famous person we admire most.
> >
> > I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
> >
> >
> > Guess where the heck I am?
> >
> > said, "Fried Chicken."
> >
> > She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been
> > right, because everyone else in the class
> > laughed.
> > My parents told me to always be truthful and
> > honest, and I am. Fried Chicken is my favorite animal. I told my
> > dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member
> > of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
> >
> > I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and
> > beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I
> > told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not
> > to do it again.
> >
> > The next day in class my teacher asked me
> > what my favorite live animal was.
> >
> > I told her it was chicken. She asked me why,
> > just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it
> > was because you could make them into fried chicken.
> >
> > She sent me back to the principal's office
> > again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't
> > understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher
> > doesn't like it when I am.
> >
> > Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what
> > famous person we admire most.
> >
> > I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
> >
> >
> > Guess where the heck I am?
> >
Funny Pictures and Signs
Somewhere near Rochester , New York ,
Ed set out to bag his buck at 5:30 a.m.
By 11:30 a.m., he was exhausted and hungry--
and still no buck.
At 12 noon, the mighty hunter Ed guards
the remains of his lunch while
a passerby snaps a quiet photo while
trying not to startle the
deer with a belly laugh.
Shot from the USS
HONOLULU
(Los Angeles-class fast attack submarine)
at the Arctic Circle , 280 miles from the
North Pole--
Does anything frighten a polar bear?
Ed set out to bag his buck at 5:30 a.m.
By 11:30 a.m., he was exhausted and hungry--
and still no buck.
At 12 noon, the mighty hunter Ed guards
the remains of his lunch while
a passerby snaps a quiet photo while
trying not to startle the
deer with a belly laugh.
Shot from the USS
HONOLULU
(Los Angeles-class fast attack submarine)
at the Arctic Circle , 280 miles from the
North Pole--
Does anything frighten a polar bear?
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The Diet
I always used my shampoo to wash the rest of my body while in the shower. It was just easier to lather up my hair and use the extra suds on my body instead of soap. Then I saw the words printed on my shampoo bottle "for extra volume and fullness". No wonder I can't lose weight! Now I'm using my dish soap in the shower. It's guaranteed to remove fat and other unwanted deposits that other soaps leave behind!
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