COMTEMPLATIONS .....

> 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 each on those little
> bottles of Evian water?
> Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
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> 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
> section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly!)
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> 3 OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and
> the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the
> Tennessee Titans? (YUP)
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> 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
> enjoys it?
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> 5. There are three religious truths:
> a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
> b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
> faith.
> c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.
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> 6 If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
> Holland called Holes?
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> 7 If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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> 8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
> bread to begin with?
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> 9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
> drives a race car is not called a racist?
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> 10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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> 11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
> follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
> deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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> 12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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> 13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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> 14 What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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> 15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
> more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their
> final exam
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> 16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
> and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> 17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
> What are we supposed to do, write to them?
> Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
> mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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> 18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
> the others here for?
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> 19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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> 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
> zigzag?
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> 22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
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> 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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> 24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words
> 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells..."THEIRS"!
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> OH , AND REMEMBER ...........................
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> "PRESS #1 IF YOU SPEAK ENGLISH."
> IF NOT.......
> "PRESS #2 TO DISCONNECT UNTIL YOU CAN."
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> HAVE A NICE DAY