Thursday, November 25, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Would you remarry ?
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> A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading
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> when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....
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> WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
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> HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
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> WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
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> HUSBAND: "Of course I do.."
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> WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "
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> HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
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> WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
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> HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
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> WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
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> HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
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> WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
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> HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
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> WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
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> HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
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> WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
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> HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
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> WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
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> HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
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> WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
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> HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."
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>
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> WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?
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> HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
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>
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> WIFE: -- silence --
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> HUSBAND: "crap."
>
>
>
> A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading
>
> when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....
>
>
>
> WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
>
> HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
>
>
>
> WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
>
> HUSBAND: "Of course I do.."
>
>
>
> WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "
>
> HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
>
>
>
>
> WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
>
> HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
>
>
>
> WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
>
> HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
>
>
>
> WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
>
>
>
> HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
>
>
>
>
> WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
>
> HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
>
>
>
> WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
>
> HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
>
>
>
> WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
>
> HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
>
>
>
> WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
>
> HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."
>
>
>
> WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?
>
> HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
>
>
>
> WIFE: -- silence --
>
> HUSBAND: "crap."
>
>
Brass Pro shop
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'
He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'
He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50
3 men from SC
One morning 3 South Carolina good old boys and 3 Yankees were in a ticket line at the Greenville train station heading to Charlotte for a big football game.
The 3 Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 Southerners bought just one ticket among them.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on one 1 ticket?" asked one of the Yankees.
"Watch and learn" answered one of the boys from the South.
When the 6 travelers boarded the train, the 3 Yankees sat down, but the 3 Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets.
He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "tickets please." the door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The Conductor took it and moved on.
The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea.. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
That evening after the game when they got to the Charlotte train station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to their astonishment the 3 Southerners didn't buy even 1 ticket.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Yankees.
"Watch and learn", answered one of the Southern boys.
When they boarded the train the 3 Northerners crammed themselves into a bathroom and the 3 Southerners crammed themselves into the other bathroom across from it.
Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankee's bathroom. He knocked on the door and said "ticket please".
There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees won the war....
The 3 Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 Southerners bought just one ticket among them.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on one 1 ticket?" asked one of the Yankees.
"Watch and learn" answered one of the boys from the South.
When the 6 travelers boarded the train, the 3 Yankees sat down, but the 3 Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets.
He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "tickets please." the door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The Conductor took it and moved on.
The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea.. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
That evening after the game when they got to the Charlotte train station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to their astonishment the 3 Southerners didn't buy even 1 ticket.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Yankees.
"Watch and learn", answered one of the Southern boys.
When they boarded the train the 3 Northerners crammed themselves into a bathroom and the 3 Southerners crammed themselves into the other bathroom across from it.
Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankee's bathroom. He knocked on the door and said "ticket please".
There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees won the war....
Cabbie and the Nun
Cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you"
She answe rs , "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you"
She answe rs , "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
> Kidnapping
> A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago . Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
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> The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened, what's the hold up?"
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> "Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O' Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
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> The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?"
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>
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> "About a gallon."
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>
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> The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened, what's the hold up?"
>
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> "Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O' Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
>
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> The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?"
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> "About a gallon."
>
bubba and the sign
Bubba is driving down a back road in Kentucky ..
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
"Lord a'mighty," he says to himself, "Them's my three favorites!"
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
"Lord a'mighty," he says to himself, "Them's my three favorites!"
Needing an Answer!
A young Arab asks his father: "What is this weird hat that we are wearing?"
It's a "chechia," because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun!
"And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?"
It's a "djbellah," because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!
"And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?"
These are "babouches", which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!
"Tell me, Papa..."
Yes, my son?
"Why are we living in Dearbon Michigan and still wearing this @#$%^?
It's a "chechia," because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun!
"And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?"
It's a "djbellah," because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!
"And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?"
These are "babouches", which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!
"Tell me, Papa..."
Yes, my son?
"Why are we living in Dearbon Michigan and still wearing this @#$%^?
Male Sensetivity
The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
She looked at the men in the room, "And Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together -- it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes," answered the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
---- This kind of sensitivity can not be taught.
She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
She looked at the men in the room, "And Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together -- it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes," answered the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
---- This kind of sensitivity can not be taught.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Bad parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes, the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then, suddenly, there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up and, very softly, said "May I ask what the turkey did?"
HAPPY THANKSGIVING (Early)
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes, the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then, suddenly, there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up and, very softly, said "May I ask what the turkey did?"
HAPPY THANKSGIVING (Early)
SMART ASS
Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their "soon-to-be" new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only
a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and
ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and
in a soft voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat the old timer said, "Must be doing well...Only two left."
Moral: DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE
a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and
ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and
in a soft voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat the old timer said, "Must be doing well...Only two left."
Moral: DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE
The sharing of marriage...
The old man placed an order for one plain hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered: the teeth
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered: the teeth
Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims:
This is straight forward country thinking...................................
> >
> >
> >
> > 1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 3. You have more wives than teeth.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 10. Your cousin is president of the United States .
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 11. You find this offensive or racist and don't forward it.
> > You may be a Muslim\\
> >
> >
> >
> > 1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 3. You have more wives than teeth.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 10. Your cousin is president of the United States .
> > You may be a Muslim
> >
> > 11. You find this offensive or racist and don't forward it.
> > You may be a Muslim\\
> The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.
>
> Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.
>
> One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
>
> 'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'
>
> When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
>
> 'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.
>
> The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
>
> A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
>
> But Susie didn't s tir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.
>
> 'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.
>
> And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.
>
> The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
>
> Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
>
> The nun fainted.
> Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.
>
> One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
>
> 'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'
>
> When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
>
> 'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.
>
> The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
>
> A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
>
> But Susie didn't s tir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.
>
> 'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.
>
> And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.
>
> The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
>
> Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
>
> The nun fainted.
Who ate the Porridge?
A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...
>
>
> Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He
> looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he
> squeaks.
>
>
> Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks
> into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?'
> he roars.
>
>
> Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
> yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you
> idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke
> everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy
> Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
> It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear
> who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and
> croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
>
>
> 'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter
> tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
>
>
> 'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and
> grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm
> only going to say this once....
>
>
>
> 'I HAVEN'T MADE THE
>
>
> FUCKING PORRIDGE YET!!!!
>
>
> >
>
>
> Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He
> looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he
> squeaks.
>
>
> Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks
> into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?'
> he roars.
>
>
> Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
> yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you
> idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke
> everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy
> Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
> It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear
> who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and
> croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
>
>
> 'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter
> tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
>
>
> 'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and
> grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm
> only going to say this once....
>
>
>
> 'I HAVEN'T MADE THE
>
>
> FUCKING PORRIDGE YET!!!!
>
>
> >
Military Quote for the Day:
>
> "When I joined the military it was illegal
> to be homosexual,
>
>
> then it became optional.
>
>
> I'm getting out before Obama makes it mandatory."
>
>
>
>
>
>
> GySgt Harry Berres, USMC
>
> "When I joined the military it was illegal
> to be homosexual,
>
>
> then it became optional.
>
>
> I'm getting out before Obama makes it mandatory."
>
>
>
>
>
>
> GySgt Harry Berres, USMC
>
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